So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Let's get the cat blown out
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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