Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
