so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
