(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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