am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
