He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It was like getting head from an anaconda
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
