I just made out with a guy for $7.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Be still, my beating vagina.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
