You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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