Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
