the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
How's work?
Spinning.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize