he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Randomize
