Only a mothe r could love this liver
I intend to get homeless drunk
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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