Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
