The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
