bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
