She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
