dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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