I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
