Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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