I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
