totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
