Swine flu is the new snow day.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
