the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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