stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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