Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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