"it" just moved
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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