I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i love accidental penises.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
