Swine flu. Run for my life!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize