speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
