Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
