I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just want to make out with him forever
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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