Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
