I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
