I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
