There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
