You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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