just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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