So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Your cock deserves a montage
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
