Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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