the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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