Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
