I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize