My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
