last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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