well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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