i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
