Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We got so high we made milksteak
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
