I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
