dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
