I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
