Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
