It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
