Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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