sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
