what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
