her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
