:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
