Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
