This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
