she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
