she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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