Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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