ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
