I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
