How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
