Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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