last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
