life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
