Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
as a side note pls kill me
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