i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
